We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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