Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize