The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
