then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
