I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
