"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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