I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize