So drunk its hurt
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
