just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
