My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
