And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
