no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize