god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
