It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
