this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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