Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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