im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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