Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
