I wish I could teleport
I'm passing your future prison.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize