need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
