found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
