I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
from now on my penis is your penis
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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