It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
