so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
