I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
