cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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