Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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