If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
