Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
