Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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