I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize