I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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