The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
