So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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