theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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