Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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