im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
