its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
