Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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