Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
