she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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