Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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