I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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