woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
