i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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