I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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