I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
