any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
