I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
