Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
