Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
