he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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