she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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