I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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