people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
