I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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