You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
