I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
