Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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