"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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