I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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