I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
