When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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